How self-compassion can help you lose weight

You’ve had an unexpectedly busy day, skipped lunch, and now you’re so hungry that swinging into the drive-thru is the only way you’re going to make it through the evening without keeling over. If you say something to yourself like, You’re such an idiot, you have no discipline, or you’re never going to lose weight, you’re not alone — most of us have a nasty inner voice that wants to shut us down sometimes.

And while some people think that being hard on themselves is what will bring about change, actually the opposite is true. Self-compassion means being supportive to yourself when you are experiencing suffering — whether from external life challenges or personal mistakes, according to Kristin Neff, Ph.D., associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Self-compassion is proven to help you learn, grow, and move on from challenges better than being mean to yourself.

When you’re kind to yourself during a challenging time, it’s just easier to keep going, to understand and accept what happened, and to get right back on track. You're also more likely to take care of your health — including eating well and moving more — so it’s not surprising then that self-compassion can help you maintain your weight loss.

Being kind to yourself pays off in other ways, too: It can help you have a sunnier outlook, fight depression, and not be impacted as much by stress. What’s more, showing compassion for yourself makes it easier for you to do the same for others, so you can be kinder to those around you, too.

Self-compassion isn’t a trait that you’re either born with or you’re not. It’s a skill that can be learned — and rather quickly — through these practices.

A key way to grow your self-compassion is to listen to a guided podcast on mindfulness meditation, since mindfulness (bringing non-judgmental attention to the present moment) is a critical component of self-compassion. One study showed that students who did a 10 to 20-minute daily meditation for just two weeks reduced their stress and grew their self-compassion.

Loving kindness meditation is intended to increase warmth and compassion toward yourself, then a loved one, then a neutral person, and then a difficult person, wishing each one something kind and basic like, “May you be safe.” A study on participants who practiced loving kindness showed significant decreases in self-criticism and increases in self-compassion.

Meditation isn’t the only way to build this trait. One simple tweak is that when you’re talking negatively to yourself, try switching from first person (“I”) to second or third person (“you” or “your name”). So, switch “I failed because I didn’t go to the gym at all this week” to “Lauren, it’s okay that you didn’t get to the gym.” Researchers found this helped people see failures and setbacks as less threatening. They theorized it works because it distances you more from the rejection, and also because we are likely to be kinder to others than to ourselves. Talking in the third person feels like talking to a friend.

Learn about other ways to turn a setback into a new beginning