Give your sex life a confidence boost
Want more confidence in the bedroom? According to sex experts Georgia and Beverley Anne Foster, you can have great sex if you know the four secrets of unlocking your passion potential.
If your sex life isn't setting the world on fire at the moment – or your body image isn't quite where you'd like it to be – you're certainly not alone. 'There are many reasons for sex not being as amazing as it could be, and it is your mind that holds the key,' says Georgia Foster, a clinical hypnotherapist. Beverley Anne Foster, a relationship and sexuality consultant, agrees. 'Enjoying sex has nothing to do with how you look but, rather, how good you feel about yourself,' she says. Read on for their tips.
1. Become excited by seduction
'The mind can become sexually lazy, and we can lose contact with the excitement of seducing ourselves and our partner,' says Georgia. 'Then, we may begin to wonder why we don't enjoy sex the way we used to.' So start creating your own desire, and rekindle the passion.
Try this
Focus on what makes you feel sexual. Write a list of all the things that first attracted you to your partner and turned your knees to jelly. Each time you think of your partner, think of the list. If you're single, write a list of the qualities you'd like your next partner to have. Put the list away so you can read it and update it whenever you wish.
2. Be mindful of your senses
Georgia explains that our senses – sight, touch, taste, smell and hearing (plus what she believes is a sixth sense that she describes as the 'energy exchange between two people') – are important to keep us sexually confident. Beverly Anne suggests that we focus on each of the senses. Doing this, she says, could help you become more in tune with yourself, your partner and the world around you.
Try this
Try living more sensually. Treat yourself to a square of chocolate and really savour the taste. Make a note of how it looks. Does it feel smooth or rough? Can you smell the cocoa? What noise does it make when you bite into it? Do this throughout your day, whether it's listening to water splashing on to the tub as you have a bath or relishing the way wool feels against your skin as you pull on a jumper.
3. Enjoy being in the moment
What could sometimes prevent us from enjoying great sex is putting too much pressure on ourselves for it to be perfect. 'Remember, not every sexual moment is going to be a mind-blowing experience. Sex is like an ocean – sometimes you will be carried away with great waves of passion and at other times the waves will be smaller,' says Beverley Anne.
Try this
To help you get 'into the moment', try to free yourself from tension or self-criticism. When you feel you're about to tense up or are conscious of negative thoughts creeping into your mind, Beverley suggests taking a deep breath for a count of five, relaxing, and then breathing out. As you exhale, let go of any anxiety or negativity. Repeat this three times.
4. Try some positive reflection
It's easy to rush from day to day without taking stock of our lives. But Georgia believes it's important for our sex lives that we stop and reflect. 'Reflection can either enhance our desire for sex or deplete it, depending on whether our experience has been positive or negative,' says Georgia, who believes you can positively improve your sex life using the power of your mind.
Try this
Take some time out to relax, and let yourself imagine and create sexual moments that help you feel good about yourself. Then, the next time you have sex, reflect positively on the experience. What did you enjoy? What made you feel good about yourself? This could help to reinforce the idea in your mind that sex is something you value and deserve and, as a result, you could become more confident and fulfilled.
The 4 Secrets of Amazing Sex by Georgia Foster and Beverley Anne Foster (Georgia Foster publishing, £19.99)