Be Self Compassionate
Are your friends perfect? (No, right?) When they fall down you pick them back up. Give yourself the same permission to be imperfect— just like every other human being. Self-compassion is a balance: You cut yourself slack when you slip up or if things don’t go your way—while still being accountable for your actions. You think kind, encouraging thoughts about yourself when things are fantastic, and also when they’re not going so well.1
How does it help? Studies show that when you take your successes and failures in stride, you may find that you’re less afraid of failure and more satisfied with life.2 People who practice self-compassion are more likely to eat well, exercise, and take good care of themselves, even when stressed.3 They’re also better able to maintain their weight loss.4
Some days, loving yourself is easier said than done. (Old habits die hard.) This simple, scientifically grounded technique5 will help you treat yourself like a beloved friend.
How to practice self-compassion:
Think of a time when a close friend has felt bad about themselves or struggled in some way. Imagine what you’d say to them and how you would want them to feel.
Now think of a specific time when you have felt bad about yourself or struggled in some way. What do you typically think and do? What do you say to yourself? Even your tone of voice matters.
Is there a difference between the two answers? Why? Ask yourself why you would treat yourself any differently than you'd treat a friend.
Close your eyes and take a breath. Now write down how you might respond to your own struggles in the same way that you would respond to your friend.
The next time you’re feeling down or discouraged, try speaking to yourself in that more compassionate, understanding way. Ask yourself if there's another way to think about it. Be a friend to yourself. Note how it makes you feel.
1 Neff KD. Self-compassion an alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity. 2003;2:85-102.
2 Neff KD, Kirkpatrick KL, Rude SS. An examination of self-compassion in relation to positive psychological functioning and personality traits.
Journal of Research in Personality. 2007;41:908-916.
3 Phillips ML, et al. Self-compassionate reactions to health threats. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. 2013;39(7):911-926.
4 Mantzios M, Wilson JC. Exploring mindfulness and mindfulness with self-compassion-centered interventions to assist weight loss: Theoretical
considerations and preliminary results of a randomized pilot study. Mindfulness. 2014 Jul 24;1-12.
5 Neff KD, Germer CK. A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology.
2013;69(1):28-44.