By Shani Petroff
In some ways, I feel like my life is an open book. I write about a lot of personal things—on the Weight Watchers site alone, I’ve discussed everything from my weight, insecurities, hopes, heartaches, egg freezing, and more. I like sharing, and I like hearing stories from others as well.
However, for months now, I’ve put off writing about my new relationship. I met a great guy early in the year—a guy I really like—and we’ve been together for a while now. I thought about mentioning him before, but I always stopped myself. I realize, it’s not for fear of jinxing it or that it will end (I’ve written about breakups before), it’s the fear that he’ll read it.
I’ve mentioned Weight Watchers to him in the past. He knows I’m on it, there are WW cookbooks and magazines scattered around my apartment, and I even mentioned that I’ve written for the site. Only I mentioned that last part in passing.
Recently, I said something about the program that led him to ask how often I write for the site.
I told him every week. He asked a few more questions, I answered them, and then I changed the subject.
It’s made me think a lot about why.
I’m not embarrassed that I write about and follow the plan, and I talk to him about all sorts of topics, including trying to be healthy, but my size has always been a huge sticking point for me.
The memory of past posts—ones that talked about feeling self-conscious and not wanting to go to an event because I didn’t feel attractive enough, ones where I listed my actual weight, ones where I talked about the search for Mr. Right while overweight—all popped in my head.
Like anyone, I have up moments and down moments. I guess, I got nervous that those articles would be the only ones he found if he googled me, that he’d only get to see a part of the story, without knowing the whole journey. I'd feel exposed.
I’m obviously very public about my Weight Watchers involvement, but I’m also private, too. For me, it’s harder to share with people who aren’t on the program about my weight-loss path, and everything that comes up along the way.
But this program is helping me learn not to let my weight stand in my way. I’ve used my size as an excuse for far too long, and it’s kept me from going after things I want. I’m not making that mistake again. So maybe feeling exposed is a good thing. I want to be open, and I want this guy to see me—all of me.
And right now, Weight Watchers, following the program, writing for the site, is part of who I am.
So, I’m not going to change the subject if it comes up, I’m not going to tell him not to read my articles (and hi, if you’re reading this one), and I’m not going to censor myself.
I don’t know what will happen in the future (I’m hoping for the best), but in the meantime, I’m really loving the present, and I’m going to go forward thinking positively, embracing my choices, and sharing them freely.
Do you tell those around you that you’re on Weight Watchers? What has the reaction been? You can find me on Connect @shani!
Read more Shani Weighs In.