Sick Of It

By Shani Petroff

I’m sick of the extra weight.
I’m sick of not being at goal.
I’m sick of the way I look.

Those thoughts run through my mind a lot. Then this past week, I actually got sick. It wasn’t serious — a sore throat and headache, but it was enough to keep me laid up in bed for a few days. And all of a sudden, it wasn’t my weight I was thinking about. It was more:

I’m sick of feeling sick.
I’m sick of being too tired to move.
I’m sick of no appetite.
I’m sick of not being able to go out.

I’m on the mend, still not feeling 100 percent, but I’m getting there. And I can’t help thinking about those initial thoughts — the ones about my weight. I may have been healthy when I had them, but they were anything but….

Now I find myself sick from those statements. Not feeling well was a reminder of why I’m on this program, and why I need to lose those excess pounds, and I’ve created a new and improved “sick” list.

I’m sick of not being healthy and giving myself the best possible chance. Heart disease and diabetes runs in my family, and I obviously would love to avoid having to deal with those issues. A sore throat and headache had me miserable this week, and I know that’s nothing in comparison to what others, including many that I loved, had to deal with. I owe it to them, and to myself, to make smart choices and do everything in my power to protect my health.

I’m sick of not loving my body at any shape and size. Self-pity, self-deprecation, self-consciousness are a waste of time. There’s really no good that can come from them. They don’t make me happy, they just breed more worry and beating up on myself, and they make those around me uncomfortable (having to constantly tell someone that all those negative things they are saying about themselves aren’t true gets tiring). So, I’m going to give myself a self-esteem boost. I’m going to think positively (something I’m constantly working on) and will smile at myself when I catch my reflection, regardless if there’s a muffin top or a bulge that I don’t like.

I’m sick of not taking advantage of all that’s at my fingertips and living life to the fullest. There are some things we can’t control — like getting sick — but there are things we can. And waiting until we lose the weight to go out and do things is one of those things that is totally up to us. I’ve been getting better at this (I did a couple of speaking engagements that I was hesitant to participate in and went to a few networking events I hemmed and hawed about), and I want to push that to the next level. The events I went to wound up being great, I met some fabulous people, and my weight was never an issue. The only person who had an issue with it was me. That needs to change, and it’s up to me to do it.

It’s easy to talk about wanting to be healthy, but it’s also easy to take our health for granted. I’m hoping this week helped show me how important it truly is to take care of my body because I’m sick of being sick. I’m ready to feel amazing!

What are you sick of? You can find me on Connect @shani!
Read more Shani Weighs In