By Shani Petroff
I’m about to go to my college reunion.
I’m not at my goal weight. I was hoping I’d be there before this event. I’m not. It has me feeling self-conscious.
There are currently a million thoughts roaming through my brain: What will people think of me? Will I be judged? Wouldn’t it have been nice if I had lost X amount of pounds? What am I going to wear? Should I even go?
And it makes me mad.
I am awesome at any size.
Part of me knows that. The other part gets sucked into all the negative things I’ve heard my whole life about being overweight.
But here’s the thing—I’m losing weight (and exercising) to be healthier. I’m doing it, so I can take the stairs without feeling like I ran a marathon. I’m doing it so I’ll have more energy. I’m doing it because I want to be stronger. I’m doing it because my father had his first heart attack when he was younger than I am now. I’m doing it because heart disease and diabetes runs in my family. I’m doing it because I always wonder if my dad had done it—would he still be here now? I’m doing it because I want to motivate my family to get healthy too, because I don’t want to have to go through another loss. I’m doing it because I don’t want my family to go through another loss.
All of that has nothing to do with looks.
The media shoves images down our throats of “how we’re supposed to look.” It tells us what we should consider beautiful. But beauty is all shapes and sizes. And healthy is all shapes and sizes. I have skinny friends who eat horribly, some who smoke. That’s not healthy either.
So, I’m trying to kick those negative thoughts about myself to the curb.
I want to love my body.
Sometimes I do. But I want to all the time.
And that means seeing myself with loving eyes. It means smiling when I look in the mirror. It means catching myself when I say something negative about my shape. It means replacing those insults with compliments. It means walking with confidence. It means remembering that I am beautiful at any size.
We all are.
As we continue on the Weight Watchers program, please don’t forget that.
What makes you feel good? You can find me on Connect @shani!
Read more Shani Weighs In.