A Brush With Destiny

By Adam Kraemer

I’m a genius.

From the lack of response, I’ll assume you all agree with me.

But let me tell you why, in this case, I’m lauding the praises of my gargantuan intellect. I bought a brush.

Sorry. That wasn’t imbued with enough pomp and/or circumstance. I. Bought. A. Brush.

From the lack of response, I’ll assume you have no idea why that would make me a genius.

It’s a basting brush. I mostly use it for butter (or, rather, butter substitute — thank you, Weight Watchers). Sometimes I use it for olive oil (again, thank you, Weight Watchers). And it’s worked perfectly.

To be more precise, it’s significantly cut down on the amount of both butter and oil I use when I cook things. I’ll give you an example: waffles. Actually, a waffle sandwich. I love waffles. And two whole-grain waffles have a low SmartPoints® value of just 5. That’s a good breakfast. Add a little butter (read: butter substitute) and some sugar-free maple syrup, and you’ve got a filling meal before heading off to work.

Except that for a while, I was working from home. So having breakfast before going to work wasn’t really something I did. In part because I didn’t need to change out of my p.j.’s before sitting down at my computer. And in part because my commute was 9 feet.

So when I did wake up to work, I had the option of using my whole kitchen and not necessarily making something on the fly. Plus, then I could have a later lunch, also something from the kitchen. So I’d begun making my own waffle sandwiches. To wit: two waffles (as stated, with butter and syrup), three slices of deli-cut smoked turkey (SmartPoints value: 1), one slice of fat-free cheese (SmartPoints value: 0!), a thinly cooked layer of egg whites (approx. 6 Tbsp, SmartPoints value: 1). Basically, I’m creating my own McGriddle, but without clogging my arteries shut.

(Side note: Can anyone tell me the invention that had to be perfected before they were able to create the McGriddle? Answer this and you’ll be at genius level like me. From the lack of response, I’ll guess no one knows. It’s maple syrup chunks that wouldn’t liquefy in a microwave or under a heat lamp. Everything else they’ve had for years. The syrup was the key.)

Oh, also the trick is to use the maple syrup sparingly (1 Tbsp: 0 SmartPoints value) and the butter, of course, sparingly. And here’s where my brush idea makes me the single smartest person on the planet. I brush the butter onto the waffles. Ever taken a knife and tried to spread butter on a waffle? It gets caught in the squares, for starters, but then you think maybe you can get a little caught evenly in each square and some on top but not everything gets buttered evenly and you wind up using a lot more butter than you wanted because you’re not going to go digging in every square to take out three square millimeters of butter.

From the lack of response, I’ll assume you all know exactly what I’m talking about.

I’ve solved the problem. I just brush a thin layer of butter over the top of the waffle. Nothing gets stuck in the squares. The whole grid gets coated relatively evenly. And I use a lot less butter. Now, I track it at 1 tsp, largely because I have no idea how much I actually use and 1 tsp has a SmartPoints value of 1, which I kind of figure I split with the slice of cheese. All in all, it’s a full breakfast, with nearly all food groups accounted for (I suppose I could add some sort of vegetable, but I won’t), and clocking in at a total of 8 SmartPoints value. What can I say? I’m a genius. Also it tastes fantastic.

From the lack of response, I’ll assume I’ve been writing this alone in my apartment and none of you have actually read this yet and therefore can’t respond. Probably should assume that for the other points, as well. I’m wicked smaht.

Talk to you soon.

Follow Adam on Connect @adam.k

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