Turn Sabotage Into Support

When Melody started trying to lose weight with Weight Watchers, she found her (also overweight) boyfriend to be less than supportive.

"He finds my weight-loss efforts threatening to his way of life, since he's addicted to bread and olive oil," says the WeightWatchers.com Community user. "He also listens to 'experts' who say that lots of fat and starch will keep you satisfied, and therefore you'll eat less. I've learned to make light of it by saying things like, 'Yeah, I tried that diet … all the way up to my top weight.'"

Weight loss is challenging enough when you have the support of family and friends. But lots of people report that the people they expected to cheer the loudest actually never said a peep. Or worse, they were plainly against the idea of weight loss altogether.

When you realize that one of your loved ones is sabotaging your efforts toward a goal, whether purposefully or not, "it helps to stay focused on your goal, and realize that others have their own agendas," says Dr. Howard Rankin, a Hilton Head Island, SC psychologist and author of Inspired to Lose.

Perhaps they're just plain jealous that you're losing weight. Or maybe they're worried that if you make changes in the way you eat, they'll have to eat differently, too. Another WeightWatchers.com Community user said that was the case with her husband: "He thought I was going to take his treats away from him." Maybe the saboteur is acting out of fear. The person above added, "He also used to complain that if I got skinny, I would leave him for somebody else."

Another thing that might be getting in your loved ones' ways of cheering you on is their own habits. Maybe they're used to loving or comforting you with food. Now that you don't want to be loved that way, they feel confused and rejected.

You don't have to avoid the people you love just because you're losing weight and they don't understand. Instead, try these strategies to win saboteurs over to your side:

1. Tap into another support network. If you're getting negative messages at home (or at work, or from your friends), be sure to get even more positive messages from somewhere else. A meeting room can be an excellent place to find supporters (click here to find a meeting).


2. If your friend suggests you're losing too much weight, reassure her that you are eating healthily and losing weight slowly. Show her Weight Watchers Weight Ranges if you need to. Tell her what a difference this is making to your health.


3. If your spouse is worried you'll lose weight and then leave him, make it clear that even though you're changing the way you eat, the way you love him will stay the same. Point out some benefits that your improved energy and increased confidence will have on your relationship. Many people find their sex life improves as their self-image does!


4. Talk about it. Explain to sabotaging family and friends that you need their help. Maybe your sister doesn't know you're really serious about this, or that her harsh words make a difference.


5. Be patient. For Melody, simply asking for support didn't help much. But over time, her boyfriend got used to the changes she was making, and they learned to laugh about it. "Now," she says, "he even asks me if I need to log my PointsPlus® values in the food tracker!"